Interview with a Sith 45 - DARTH ARKOUS
by scottivan
Summary: Have you ever wanted to interview a sith lord outside of the dark side?


**Today I interview Darth Arkous, a Dark Lord and  
member of the dark council, as the Sphere of Military  
Offense. (Approx. 4125 BBY - 3638 BBY)**

**INTERVIEWER** \- Good morning, my lord. I have some questions  
for you, if you don't mind.

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- The Emperor does not like it when "commoners"  
such as yourself waste the valuable time of his dark councillors.  
Make your questioning as short as possible.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Will do, my lord. How would you describe your  
"boss" Emperor Vitiate?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- The Emperor is one of the smartest, wisest men  
in history. He saved the sith people, my people, from genocide at  
the hands of the corrupt republic and their jedi. He led us to safety  
on Dromund Kass. He then helped rebuild the sith empire into the  
powerhouse it is today. I owe him my life. I gladly give it to him.  
I am proud to serve upon his dark council.

**INTERVIEWER** \- I admire your loyalty. How much do you know  
of the many sith cults, which are out there?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- Part of the duties of the Sphere of Military Offense  
is to monitor and, if necessary, destroy these sects. We must defend  
the empire from all who say they are sith and are not.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Are you familiar with a sect called "Order of Revan"?  
They are located on Rakata Prime, or Lehon as it is also known.

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- I recently read reports about this "Order of Revan".  
They are based upon worshipping the great Darth Revan. Whatever  
became of him? The last that I heard, he failed in his attempt to  
destroy the Republic.

**INTERVIEWER** \- It's more complicated, my lord. The apprentice of  
Darth Revan, called Darth Malak, tried to murder him. Then the jedi  
captured an unconscious and seriously injured Lord Revan, then erase  
the past five years of memories from his mind, and retrain him.  
Currently, Jedi Master Revan is a prisoner of Emperor Vitiate. Wouldn't  
that make all of these "Revanites" traitors to the sith empire?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- Yes, that would. What's your point?

**INTERVIEWER** \- I only mention it because there are rumours about  
sith lords being part of this sect. And possibly at lease one member  
of the dark council.

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- Do you like breathing? (He begins force-choking me)  
Are you accusing one of the most powerful dark lords of treason?

**INTERVIEWER** \- I'm truly sorry, my lord. I meant no disrespect.  
I only wished to inform you, so you could investigate these rumours.  
(By now I'm turning blue from a lack of oxygen)

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- Very well. Apology accepted, for now.  
I will investigate these rumours. If you started them I will kill you.

**INTERVIEWER** \- My sincere thanks, my lord. Subject change.  
Do you enjoy any favourite foods?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- Like any sith, I enjoy a good feast. Who doesn't?  
For me, it's bantha gut stew, wookiee feet pot roast, BBQ twi'lek lekku,  
and deep fried rancor butt.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Do you enjoy eating sentient species? Both twi'leks  
and wookiees are sentient peoples.

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- You eat, I eat. Sentient status is irrelevant. Also,  
sith are superor to both twi'lek and wookiee, so they are on our menu.  
So are idiots.

**INTERVIEWER** \- How does Darth Arkous relax?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- By hanging around my wife's kitchen. I take some  
of the finest nuts on Dromund Kaas, and blend them into a peanut butter.  
I then take some "jogy jam" made from Jogan fruit, and make a  
peanut butter and jogy jam sandwich. Makes an awesome snack.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Do you enjoy travelling?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- Like every sith, I go where ever the Emperor  
decides to send me. However, someday I would like to move to  
Korriban. Make my house in one of the tombs there.

**INTERVIEWER** \- What would be your greatest desire?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- To see Coruscant become a ball of molten rock.  
To watch every jedi die a slow, painful death. And of course, like  
every other sith, to someday be emperor.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Who would be your favourite sith from the past?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- King Adas. He united my people when no one else could.  
And the legendary Dathka Graush. His undead army was loyal to the bone.

**INTERVIEWER** \- If I may ask, who would be your closest friend within  
the empire?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- There are no friends within sith society. There would  
be too much temptation for betrayal. My closest ally would be Emperor Vitiate.  
I rely upon his great strength to give me strength.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Do you have any pet peeves? Is there something that you  
truly hate with a passion of a thousand suns?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- Anyone with the title jedi. I don't care if they are masters,  
knights, or padawans. I'm an equal opportunity hatter.

**INTERVIEWER** \- The second line of the code of the sith says  
"there is only passion". What is your passion? What do you fight for?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- I fight for the future of the sith empire. Unless the empire  
constantly expands, it will eventually become stagnant, and pass into galactic  
history. I will not allow that to happen.

**INTERVIEWER** \- What's the stupidest thing that you have ever done?

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- I once closed the door in the face of Emperor Vitiate.  
He almost skinned me alive.

**INTERVIEWER** \- Thank you for the interview. I greatly appreciate it.  
And my sincere thanks for letting me breath again.

**DARTH ARKOUS** \- Do not ever again waste the time of a dark councillor.  
Now get out of my sight.


End file.
